Squirrel goes to the doctor.

Doctor: You have wonderful cholesterol.

Squirrel: You can tell that from my uterus?

Doctor: No, I can tell that from your blood test.

some guys have all the luck

I took my Springboard group to the circus tonight. (My Springboard group are adults living with Asperger's that I plan social events for a couple times a month.)

I was sitting next to Richard, one of my favorites, and they were at that point in the show where they call up a planted 'volunteer' for help with some of the acts.

So, there's all this buildup about who they're going to pick, and they even draw seat numbers out of a giant hat.

They drew D1, and the spotlights are searching all over the big top. They finally settle on seat D1, where, yep, you guessed it, a clown is sitting.

Richard: 'Damn. They ALWAYS pick the clown.'

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

not fat.

*speaking about inappropriate convo on Consumating*

[19:59] eats dirt: ....
[19:59] bots!: he is tagged
[19:59] eats dirt: i had to respond
[19:59] bots!: Fat_kiefer_sutherland
[19:59] eats dirt: we have one tag in common: fat
[20:00] bots!: LOL
[20:00] bots!: you retard
[20:00] bots!: you are not fat
[20:00] bots!: you're just stupid.

how rude

Squirrel and the kid go to the movies...

She's in the bathroom, and they have those automatic flushing toilets. Squirrel hears the toilet flush, and the kid says
"How rude. It didn't even wait until I was finished!"

fill 'er up.

scene: liquor store, in front of an entire room full of wine

dude behind counter: can i help you?
man in tracksuit : yeah, you got any wine for my wine rack?

sexually transmitted-whatever.

bots!: DO YOU HAVE HERPES?
Donut: no
Donut: I'm pretty sure I don't
bots!: ever have mouth sores?
Donut: what's going on
Donut: no
bots!: penis sores?
bots!: okay.
Donut: no
Donut: is something wrong?
bots!: JUST ASKING.
bots!: carry on.

it's indian for 'makes bad choices when drunk'

BOTS!: You're right. That tattoo on your ankle is pretty horrible.