nuts about nuts

scene: overheard in whole foods, dried fruits/nuts aisle.

stock boy: can i help you find something?
male shopper: nope, just admiring your nuts.

What times ten equals forty?

overheard while shopping at Target (a boy singing)
Boy: Eight times Ten is Forty.
Boy: Eight times Eleven is Forty Four.
Donut: Excuse me? What times ten equals forty?
Boy: Eight!
Donut: No, that's wrong.
Mother: He's just singing a song.
Donut: 8x10=80 and 8x5=40 and if you're going to sing math songs, please sing them correctly

splashdown

Overheard in the restroom at Joe's...
Little girl: But Mommy, there's pee on the seat
Mom: That's okay, it's Mommy's pee. You can sit in it.

she-ra.

while wrestling with donut.

bots jr: my legs have the power of 5 men!

drats, rats.

bots!: man, they have a picture of SEVEN rats in one shot in that taco bell/kfc in greenwich village. awesome.

donut: Walmart has old people, KFC has rats. big deal.

needles today, hostile takeover tomorrow.

bots!: i have decided to take up knitting.
beej: and what shall you knit?
bots!: scarves.
bots!: hats.
bots!: giant catapult slings.

tastes like ketchup.

scene: at sushi place with the bots jrs.


bots: just try it. it's sauce.
bots jr: what does it taste like?
bots: um... it doesn't really taste like anything you've had.
*pushes gyoko sauce closer to bots jr*
*bots jr sticks finger in it so a tiny bit gets on it*
bots jr: umm.. ew. no.
bots: try it or.. um.. no ice cream!
bots jr: ack. um...does it taste like ketchup?
bots: yeah, sure, whatever.. you like ketchup, just try it.
*bots jr finally tries it*
bots jr: EWWWW, it tastes like KETCHUP!
bots: ...

thigh high.

scene: at a wedding reception

*squirrel decides to dance with bots...really close*

squirrel, drunk: so how are you doing??
bots: i'd be much better if you got your crotch off my leg.

The Sorcerer's Stone

It's Harry Potter week at Art Camp. Yesterday...

Gabe: Hey Stacy, my sister just swallowed the Sorcerer's Stone!

Stacy: Well, what are we gonna do about that?

Gabe: We could punch her in the stomach until she pukes it back up.

Five year olds

Overheard in the bathroom at work:
Girl One: Hey Girl Two
Girl Two: Yes, Girl One?
Girl One: I forgot to take off my yesterday panties before I put on my today panties.

Friendship, Maine

Co-worker: I had the best weekend of my life once in Friendship, Maine. All we did was cook and eat and think about cooking so we could eat again. Oh, and we got drunk, too.

Squirrel: Did you have any sex?

Co-worker: Not with anyone else.

camping.

scene: overheard/witnessed last summer while camping. giu giu, from canada. beej, from boston.

giu giu: i brought maple flavored beans!
*beej sniffs beans*
beej: these beans smell like surrender.

if you blink you'll miss it.

bots jr: let's see who can blink the fastest!
*blinking ensues*
*bots jr laughs hysterically*
bots jr: okay, let's see who can blink the longest!
*bots closes her eyes*
*bots jr runs out of the room*

hobbies needed.

[yesterday]

in IM with the creator of Consumating.com;

Ben: HELLO ERICA!
bots: HELLO BEN.
Ben: I subscribed to all of your blogs yesterday!
bots: ...

on dogs.

squirrel: my neighbors adopted a dog from puerto rico!
squirrel: she doesn't speak english.
bots: i have news for you, no dog speaks english.

The Origin.

The purpose of this blog is to document stupid, I mean FUNNY, things we say to our friends or things our friends say to us. Or to each other.

never forget!